Gone South

In a last surprise, the young Marlins are champs.

  1. Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, in a surprise news conference two days after the conclusion of the recent World Series, announced that Major League Baseball will undertake a radical change in scheduling next fall, when the Divisional and League Championship eliminations will come after the World Series, not before. “Tradition matters,” Selig said, “but the fans have made it clear that they much prefer the interest and drama of the earlier rounds of post-season play, and we’re going to oblige them. From now on, it’s the Fall Classic first and then heartbreak.” The commissioner confirmed reports that he had called in some top metaphysicians to tackle the contradictions implicit in such a plan. “They’re gung-ho for the plan, conceptwise,” Mr. Selig said. “Once we have this in hand, we’re looking to clear up the designated-hitter dilemma, as well. Ambiguity is tough, but so is Roger Clemens.”

    Well, maybe not, but after the vibrant and confounding baseball scenes in the weeks just past, n...

The complete text of “Gone South” is not in the Byliner library, but we love it so much we included an excerpt and a link to the full story on www.newyorker.com.

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