Bleacher Couch Man

Cole Griffith is either a noble warrior or a middle-aged hoopster who doesn’t know when to quit.

  1. One day, future archaeologists will dig up the bones of these men, in the rubble of what was once Spokane, Wash., and conclude that here fell a fearsome band of noble warriors. To illustrate his theory, Cole Griffith offers his friends his broken self.

    "Fractured wrist, separated shoulder, torn ligaments in both knees -- what else could they think I'd been?"

    The other warriors chime in. First Eck: "Blind cab driver?" Then Hadel: "Gerald Ford?"

    Then Van Goose with the truth: "Middle-aged basketball player who didn't know when to quit?"

    But Cole with a revelation is a puppy with a shoe. "No, this is what happens," he says. "One day you're chasing a mammoth to feed your family -- and then you fall into a crevasse. A hundred thousand years later, you're in a museum. Or you're on your way to see a courtesan, Vesuvius erupts, and thousands of years later your corpse is a tourist attraction."

    As he speaks, Cole pours himself a quarter glass of beer. He will do this all night in a losing ...

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